Saul

She hated that she had ever fallen in love with him. You could tell she was angry at herself for believing his lies and falling victim to his stark hypocrisy. You can't really blame her for falling so madly in love with him; he had a way of speaking so convincingly that whoever heard him either felt inspired or got depressed by how much of your life you had wasted compared to his. But his words and stories were riddled with Pinocchio's tales and a false approximation of who he was. When they met, he made her believe he was all that was right with the world- but as time unravels all things, she soon saw that he was an empty shell, beautified with lies and his inflated ego.

There was an air of gravity around him that drew people close. But that's the scary thing about gravity; whenever you feel its pull for too long it usually means something is wrong- perhaps you're falling, and falling is never good. An uncontrolled descent into the depths of anything, whether its love, an idea or Hades is rarely a good thing.

He had big dreams, dreams he had not yet achieved, but that never stopped him from treating others like they were less than him, friends and lovers were never exempt. It's a terrible kind of pride when you have nothing yet look down on those who have just a little less than you. It's a very silly thing to take pride in your dreams; by all means, believe in them wholeheartedly, but don't be proud of how big they- it only turns you foolish. Everyone has big dreams, and having those dreams doesn't give anyone the right to be a douchebag.

She believed in all his lofty dreams, and even though he often forgot what her's were, she got in the dirt with him and worked to make the things he had falsely convinced her that he already achieved come true. That's how she knew she loved him.

But no one was above his disrespect, not even her. He had a very peculiar way of making her feel less valued than she knew she was, one that really got to her and often made her insecure for weeks after he had blurted out one of his careless remarks. That's how she knew he didn't love her back, though he always swore he did.

Real love is never careless enough to rob you of your self-esteem, and anyone who makes you feel less than you should is not worthy of your affection.

He was muscular, with a deep manly voice that resonated with the depths of her seas, but he was childish in the way he handled his emotions.  It takes more than a crown to make a pauper into a king, it takes more than puberty to make a child into a man, and it takes much more than a good frame to keep a woman's love. He did everything a 29-year-old entrepreneur could do to alienate the people that could help him grow. He'd sulk when he didn't get his way and throw a tantrum when things were not going according to his plan. Sometimes he'd even deal unexplained silent treatments to the very same friends and mentors that helped him get out of the trouble he often walked right into because of his childishness. He was a roller coaster of emotions, sometimes he'd be up, sometimes he'd be down; not because he was bipolar, but because he had no reins on his own emotions as a man should- he swayed with every gush or whistle of the wind, every loud noise made him impulsive, and every whisper of gossip made him panic. She hated that about him.

Sometimes he was a joy to be around, other times he was a chore; whenever he was a joy, she'd forget how much she hated loving him;  and whenever he was a chore, all she'd see was how selfish he was and how much she didn't want to be around him.You see, he had a magnetic essence that brought people close, and a stenchful character that drove them far away. That's the worst thing that could happen to a man with dreams.

The thing about bad character is, it's the one thing capable of reversing the polarity of a magnetic personality, the only thing that turns the aura of your charm into a terrible stench that drives people away.

At first, she could not understand why he treated people like shit yet they seemed to want to be around him- it was part of his mystery early on. It wasn't until they had dated for a few months that she realized it was because he was a mirage; an illusion of something life-saving. It's only when you got close that you'd find out he was but dust and sand reflecting someone else's sun, taking someone else's glory, having very little grace of his own.

'She was done with him,' she thought.
'For good this time.'

That's the thing about mirages;
once you know the truth about them,
you never fall for them twice.

 

 

O.O.Kukoyi

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